God speaks to each of us probably more than we are even aware of. My guess is he speaks to us multiple times a day, mostly when we are faced with a decision, no matter how small. The problem is, we don’t hear him most of the time. It is very rare when God speaks so loudly that you have no choice but to hear what he is saying. This has only happened in my life a couple of times. The first was shortly after Tyler and I were married, but that is a story for another time. The second time God spoke loudly to me was today. Here is my story.
First let me preface by saying that life is hard. Yeah, I know…cliche. But it really is. The hardest part about life is getting past those pesky human emotions that tend to threaten our relationship with God. Now, I’m not one to hold grudges, but I do tend to close myself off when I am mad at someone. I don’t want to see them or talk to them, because I have these horrible emotions swelling up inside. To sum it up it is pure heartbreak, and when I see the source it brings out the feelings I just want to forget. So, I use avoidance tactics until I can hopefully just forget. As you all know, you can’t forget….it never goes away. It just sits in your gut until something sets it off way down the line. I have been fighting this battle for a long time. Today God scolded me in his gentle and loving way. He told me that I need to stop feeling the way I do. That I need to look at the situation the way I see my own life, and how I see myself as a person. Here is what he said to me using the words of C.S. Lewis:
“Christian Love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will. If we are trying to do His will we are obeying the commandment, ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.’ He will give us feelings of love if He pleases. We cannont create them for ourselves, and we must not demand them as a right. But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him.”
Why is it so hard to love like this. I suppose it is just our human nature. But God has recently opened my eyes to see what unconditional love is for someone when he brought Owen into my life. So, it is my prayer that I can love everyone, even those who make me mad, the way God wants me to.
“…whenever we do good to another self, just because it is a self, made (like us) by God, and desiring its own happiness as we desire ours, we shall have learned to love it a little more or, at least, to dislike it a little less.” C.S. Lewis – Mere Christianity
The Adventures of Owen and Evie 